I used to write poetry.
I used to be able to weave wonderful stories.
Now I can barely form a sentence that doesn't include "uhh" or "ummm" or "you know what I mean, right?"
Words have become my enemy. I think I can feel myself losing intelligence. IQ points.
I've been thinking a lot about taking next semester off, going home and working at Justice, or just taking an anthropology or sociology class up here, butttt I have no job here and that would be too much idle time.
I need to relearn how to make myself happy. I need to get to know myself again.

Looking at these posts, it really seems like I'm an alcoholic. I promise I'm (probably) not.
It's college baybeee.


Anyway, here are some things I bought yesterday, because I'm a shallow, materialistic person.

( stuffzzz )

house-sitting for my dad for ten days. I decided to pull a highschool move and have a party! For the most part it was a success, minus the part where two people were drunk and adamant about taking my dads boat out at 3 am, and the part where my parents came the next morning and there were boys sleeping in the house :/ thankfully, they stayed asleep and I had already cleaned!

I got my nose pierced today!

OK POLL. Should I pay $60 to get FRESH tattooed on the inside of my lip?? Yeah, I'm serious.

P.S. It is my new goal to stop comparing myself to other people. I can't wait to be extremely and obnoxiously happy!

P.P.S. I got a new tattoo!

I've been in Tennessee for the past several days visiting my friend jason, who is in the army. Let me just say that all the army boys that I've met are obnoxious and weird, and the one that wasn't was a cheater. They're attracted to me for some reason I guess.
And I got a new dog, her name is Lucy.


( babyyyy )
Plus, I got some new hairs, step one of me becoming a new (cheater-free) woman!

Sometimes things just really hurt, you know? Songs about love really hit home, I wantto destroy drawings and mix CDs but a the same time they're memories I really enjoy. I'm trying g really hard to keep busy and be totally fine, but thought always creep in and it's just plain hard. I just keep telling myself I deserve so much better, but is that really true? Friends say that I'm too nice, that that's why this has happened once again. I hate being a doormat.

just got cheated on, seems to be a recurring theme.

Alright lj friends, I'm at a loss. What would you do?

Backstory:
Currently, I'm a studio art major. I want to take photography. Real bad, as probably many of you know. But I may not be able to get in next semester, which pushes everyyything back a semester. And me being a junior next year, is kind of a lot. Would you

a) take the photo courses at the community college? I hear the classes are pretty decent, but I'm not sure. This way, I could drop the studio art major if i wanted (not sure if I do or not) and stop jumping through hoops. It would be once a week in a four hour block. This, however, would make the art major kind of irrelevant, and I wouldn't need to take it, but I kind of want to in order to dapple around and find what I'm good at/what I like. Would it make sense to take this major without taking the photo classes here that I originally got into the major for? (ahh!)

or

b) stick it out and take it at the university? It has the precedence of being at a university, but does that really matter for photography? I mean, obviously I want the better education, but I've heard up until a couple years ago the community college's program was better (my counselor told me this and he said he wasn't sure of the current status of the program there). Also, there's only two photo profs at the university and I've read reviews saying that one is totally difficult and never helps, while the other only gives you good grades if you turn in pictures of naked women.

HALP. wwljd?

A new medication I'm taking makes my eyes mess up so I can't read. How fucked up is that?? So I ditched that stuff and I'm meeting my doctor on Friday.

I started taking power yoga classes with my friends and they're really kicking my butt. What's power yoga, you say? Basically you just do yoga positions in sequence very fast, sometimes in a really hot room. It's intense. I've lost four pounds from the three classes I've gone too, and it honestly feels great. I'm really out of shape.

I think I'm going to study post-colonialism. That and photography and art history. yay :) I'm a nerd.

Honestly, I have noting exciting to talk about. I guess I'll update again when I do.

And so this isn't text only...


I kept my hair guys!

I am DETERMINED to make this weekend awesome.
No bad feelings, no putting myself down, just complete crazy awesomeness.
Startingggg...now.

So I'm meeting my friend Kyle for coffee soon.
After that I'm hanging out with my friend Lindsey and we'll be cute togetha.
Tomorrow I'm going back home with her to visit my BFF Jason who's home from the army for a couple weeks and it's going to be good times, I can tell.

But right now, it's 34 degrees and sunny, I'm going to curl my hair and put on a new dress, be with friends, feel awesome, and hopefully once Rob is done being dead to the world and sleeping the day away, I can get some drawings done for a super huge project, half of which is due on Monday. I'll explain about that later.

For now, I neeeed to make myself happy and be independent! Be with my own friends and to not have to rely on Rob for biding my time or entertaining me. I'm self-sufficient, goshdarnit!

ALSO
For anyone that still reads this, I neeeed to do something new with my hair. I'm so bored with it!
Suggestions?
This is my most recent picture:


LOL I KNOW I LOOK SUPER SRS BUT ITS ALL GOOD

bahaha, it's monday night and I am doneee with exams!
well, almost. I still have to finish my final drawing and turn that in Wednesday, and then it's hoooome for a whole month!
I told my parents to try and arrange to come and pick me up during the day so they can bring my sisters up and we can feed to gregarious ducks that live on campus. I saw some eating salt by the math building today and I scolded them and told them to stop, because they would get sick. Haha, I miss my dog. Clearly, I'm needing some animal companionship.

Other than that...well, there's nothing. School has been eating away at my life lately, so hopefully break will be a nice change from that.
But now it's time for bed and I've got a sick boy on my futon and he's whining for cough-drops, hah.

mmmmm, I feel very in loooove right now.
haha, I'm really lame and I know it, but I don't care, I just like having this warm, safe feeling of love and being loved.

Hey, I officially have a second major! From here on out I'm going to be working towards getting my Comparative Cultures and Politics degree and a Bachelors Degree in Studio Art! It took me a lot more work than I think is necessary to try and get into a second major, but my advisor said that if I can get another one of the prerequisites out of the way next semester or take them over the summer I can be enrolled in a photo class by next year, which I am verrrry happy to hear. But it also means either a) taking the classes at a 4 year university at home, where the credits won't transfer (only the class itself will be completed) or b) I will have to stay up here and take the classes, meaning I will have to try and find someone subletting their apartment, which I will have to pay for. I'm not too keen on either, since I feel like this summer might end up being my last summer at home and living with my parents, but I also don't want to give up the credits and just end up having to stay in school another year and just take electives, which will be even more pricey. Uggghh.
I don't even know where that puts more for my study abroad plans. I can't afford all this! My dad is already giving me tons of grief about paying for school, when he has told me my whole life that he would pay for it. My tuition is already pretty cheap because he started a plan when I was little, but it's still way out of my or my mom's price range. Oh, and she might be getting laid off soon, whereas my step-dad just recently quit is job because the people were deliberately trying to get him fired. For anyone who's going into the medical biz, here's a tip: DO NOT WORK FOR BON SECOUR, OR WHOEVER HAS BOUGHT THEM OUT. They will screw you like they screwed my whole family. Awesome. Love the economy right now.

In happier news, Rob has a big dj gig, I'm going to try and bring my elephant of a camera because it should be pretty amazing. It's at a night club in Lansing and the set up is supposed to be pretty awesomeee.

Also, I just finished watching Hard Candy. Fuckedddd up, but Ellen Page is such a good actress!

Tuesday I voted for the first time.
It was my six month anniversary with Rob, I went to his dj gig at Mac's bar, found out Obama won, danced my booty off to amazing music and reaped the benefits of the djs' payment of free beer for the first time.

Yesterday I went to an Arts Forum to find out about different art careers. I was really excited for it, but it turned out to be a major bummer. I didn't really learn that many new things and the photographer there made me feel really depressed because he said he's really scraping because of the economy (obama ftw).

Tonight Rob and I went out on our official anniversary date, since Tuesday was booked. We ate amazing sushi and drank delicious bubble tea and now we're going to be lame and stay in but we're also going to be warm and cozy since it's freezing outside. We're making some cocktails and I'm trying to think of a drinking game to go with Seinfeld. :) It's going to be a good night.

Sarah Palin or 50's pin-up girl?

I think this will mostly just be a little bit of a photo update, since I really don't have that much to say as of right now.

1. On Thursday, Senator Obama came to make a speech on the MSU campus. I had a midterm at 12:40 and went until 2, he started speaking around 2:30, but they gave out tickets (they field where he was speaking was fenced in, you needed to wait in line to get a ticket to actually get within the fence) at 11:30, so needless to say that with a campus over over 20,000 people, we had to wait along the fence. That is why Mr. Obama looks like a teeny tiny little ant.


( obama rally )


2. I never posted the pictures from Magdalena's Tea House. I hardly took any pictures because there was a poetry reading that night and I didn't want a distracting flash going off, so all the pictures are very dark and grainy. But the place had a really nice ambiance and the tea was pretty good, even though there wasn't any sugar or cream or honey in it (I like my drinks sweet, haha)


( Magdalena's Tea House )


3. On Friday, I went to the cd release show for a Michigan band called Frontier Ruckus. This is the second time I've seen them, they're folky and awesome and I took tons of pictures at the show. However, they all mysteriously deleted directly after I got back from the show, so no pictures from that :( That really made me sad!

4. Saturday Rob and I walked around campus to run some errands before his DJ gig at Mac's Bar. We went into this smoke shop that I've always wanted to check out because it looks really cool and old. They were selling a bunch of different types of single cigarettes, so we each got a Nat Sherman. Mine was pink and Rob's was green. We also saw people that were STILL tailgating (the game had been done for hoursss).


( campus )


I also have lots and lots of pictures from Saturday night of Rob DJing and the band that played afterwards, but I'm too lazy to upload them right now, so that'll have to wait for a different entry.
As of right now, I'm sicksicksick and hoping Rob comes back with my bubble tea before I have to leave for class!